Wives Need Love And Husbands Crave Encouraging Words

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

The above verse clearly identified the needs of both wife and husband in marriage. Let’s talk about it briefly. Understanding the needs of your husband or wife will help deal with conflicts that arise when those needs are not met.

The basic need of the wives is love. The basic need of the husband is respect. The husband’s main responsibility before God is to show Agape love to his wife. The wife’s main responsibility is to show respect to her husband.

 

In Ephesians 5, Paul compares the husband and wife relationship to the relationship we as the church has to Jesus. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.

  

This Agape love is a love of action, not feeling. Husbands are to show by their actions that they love their wives. Wives need to her I love you frequently and then need to see I love you demonstrated in practical ways. Helping with the dishes, the laundry, house cleaning, and taking care of the kids so the wife can have some “free” time can be tangible expressions of love.

Agape love is unconditional and self-sacrificial. Agape love expresses itself regardless of the response for it is unconditional. Agape love puts itself last because it is self-sacrificing.

  

Nowhere in the New Testament is the wife commanded to Agape her husband with the unconditional, self-sacrificing love. Once in Titus 2 the wives are commanded to love their husbands, but the word for love there is the Greek Word Phileo (friendship) and not Agape. But the wife is commanded in verse 33 above to respect her husband.

  

Husbands need to hear words of encouragement like: You did a great job with…or I think you’re the best at…or I like the way you…A man needs the affirmation that his wife values him and what he does for the family. And that’s the major responsibility of the wife.

If the husband will unconditionally love his wife, regardless of her response, she will begin to flourish! When her love need is met by God first and then by you, her husband, she will thrive. Ask yourself, does my wife by my words and actions feel that I love her no matter what? Husband, if you can’t answer with a clear YES to this, make some changes. Ask yourself, What can I do to practically show my wife that I love her? Start today to finds practical ways to show your wife that you love her. And, do it every day. Remember that love is something that you do, and not always something that you feel! And husband, remember that love and sex are two different things!

And wife, begin today to encourage your husband. It’s a deep need he has. Ask yourself, does my conversation with my husband criticize him or build him up? When is the last time you gave your husband a compliment? Start today to make a practice of finding some way to encourage your man. If you do, you’ll see some amazing changes.

 

Let’s believe God today for our marriages to be strengthened by the Father. And husbands, love your wives.  Wives, respect or encourage your husband!

Biblical Advice For A Christian Married To A Non-Christian

But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).

  

Yesterday, I discussed marriage between two believers and talked about how believers should deal with problems in their marriage relationship. Today, I want to discuss marriage between a believer and a person who isn’t, or a person who says they are a Christian, but never acts like it!

In the verses above notice that Paul strangely says but to the rest, I not the Lord, say. He said this because this is the first time in scripture that a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever is mentioned (In the Old Testament, and in the gospels, marriage is addressed in the context of two Jewish believers under the law). When the church age began, those who were converted and already married found themselves in this situation.

No believer should marry an unbeliever! If you are a believer and are not married, you should not even date an unbeliever. Why? Because in our culture, dating is a way for looking for a potential spouse. And a christian should only  look inside the family of God for a mate (check out 1 Corinthians 6:14-18).

  

Then, in the beginning verse, Paul basically says that if a believer has an unbelieving spouse, they should remain together as long as they get along and treat each other with kindness and respect. As long as the believer is in the home with the unbeliever, there is an influence of righteousness that speaks into the life of the unbeliever and sets an example for the children. And the unbeliever may come to the Lord!

  

Those who do not get along have to weigh their options. If the unbeliever is abusive or hurtful to the spouse or children, then the believer has to make the choice of what should be done. Are the actions so bad that they warrant leaving? These matters should be discussed with church leaders, and be treated with much prayer and caution. Rash decisions and hurtful actions by a parent can leave a child scarred for life!

 

God’s ultimate will is for the unbeliever to come to the Lord in this relationship. And if the believer will pray and live a godly lifestyle, then that may just happen!

  

This is a day to carefully guard our marriages and families with much prayer. Our nation needs strong families. Our children need the example of those who do it right!

Let’s pray for families today. Let’s believe God for His best in life where we find ourselves right now. Don’t waste time brooding over the past. Look ahead from today, and let’s give God our best!

Work On Your Marriage Problems!

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

The above verse refers to a Christian couple who are having some serious challenges. These challenge are so serious in fact that they are considering divorce. Paul encourages them that as a Christian, they have the resources from the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to deal with their problems, so they should work to solve the problems rather than divorce. The thing I want to emphasize is that Paul admits that they are having some really serious problems, and the problems are so deep that they are thinking about spitting up!

So, in the light of this I want to make some general comments about marriage problems. And, let me say right here at the beginning that you should let the grace of God minister to you wherever you are at this moment in life. If you are in the middle of a separation or divorce,  don’t allow your mind to distort what I share here. If you are already divorced, rest in the mercy and grace of Jesus, and allow Him to heal your hurting heart.

So, here are some general thoughts about separation and divorce.

I’ve often stated it this way: When you get married, regardless of the former circumstances, it becomes the will of God for you to stay married. The will of God for our lives in found in the Word, not in subjective circumstance. I had a couple visit me many years ago who committed adultery, divorced their spouses, and married each other. Then they found Jesus! My encouragement to them was just what i said. Stay married, let God’s grace cleanse your past, and work towards having a strong marriage where you are!

  

Here in the above verses, Paul addresses the relationship between two believers in a marriage relationship. He tells both husband and wife that God’s best is that they not divorce when they have difficulties. He acknowledges that at times someone will succumb to the pressures of life and divorce, and in that case he tells believers to remain unmarried for a period of time because as long as they both remain unmarried, there is the possibility of restoring the relationship.

  

Susan and I have been married 37 years last Thursday. She’s had a lot to put up with in me! We made a decision before we were married that when married, we would never consider separation or divorce as a way to solve problems that would arise.

  

Just like everyone else, we’ve had disagreements and challenges over the years. That comes with just being human! But we both made the choice to deal with ourselves and to let the Father deal with us.

  

For two believers, unless there is unrepentant adultery involved, they should work together to solve their problems. Separation and divorce do not solve personal problems.

Let me say here that in situations of severe mental, emotional, and physical abuse I will at times recommend that a person change their living arrangements with their spouse for the sake of sanity and protection.  The idea I see in this situation is communicated the following way by the person who has reached their limit and feels endangered: I want to spend the rest of my life with you as I vowed when we married, but I refuse to live another day with this abuse. I am changing addresses until you make a choice to deal with this problem of abuse.

Separation often creates a sense of false peace and removes the immediate pressure to problem solve together. At times for sanity’s sake it is unavoidable. Separation should be considered a last ditch effort to deal with  severe issues of abuse or extreme neglect until the offender decides to make changes.

And divorce doesn’t solve the problems either; those that go that route may find themselves dealing with the same problems they had in the previous relationship.

  

Some people say, well, we have marriage problems. Actually, it isn’t the marriage that is having the problem, it’s the two people that make up the marriage that have personal issues that they must face and deal with! Marriage problems are people problems!

  

God hates divorce because it hurts people, it wounds children, and it weakens society. For us Christians, we have tools available to us to help solve our personal problems that hinder marriage. We have the Word of God to believe and obey. We have the fruit of the spirit that we must choose to develop. We have the Holy Spirit that will help us change. We have the spiritual strength that comes from praying. We have the ability to pray the perfect will of God by praying in the spirit. We have the authority to command Satan to take his hands off of us and our family. And we have leaders or spiritual friends that can encourage and help guide us through a difficult time. We must use what God provides.

  

If you are challenged in your marriage today, here’s some strong encouragement. Work on your marriage today by working on yourself. You can change yourself. You can’t change your husband or wife, and you’ll frustrate him or her and yourself if you try! Keep yourself built up in the Word. Pray for your spouse and for the Father to watch over you and your marriage. Ask for His help. Ask for His wisdom and strength. Refuse the tauntings of the enemy to compromise with the influences of the world.  Reach out to your church leadership for help in real serious situations. Remember that God is a very present help in time of need!

Work On Your Marriage Problems Instead Of Running From Them!

The family unit is the glue that holds any human society together. And marriage is the foundation of the family. If marriage loses its value, then that society is in danger of collapse. Marriage and family are God’s plan to pass values and morality from one generation to the next. As goes the family, so goes the nation.

 

In our nation, we have more couples living together without marriage (yes, the Bible calls this fornication) and having children than ever before. Divorce is rampant. And in recent years, the very idea of marriage being a relationship solely between a man and a woman has been challenged. We are a nation in great danger. Our moral fabric is coming apart!

 

You and I can make a difference! How? By making an unqualified commitment to remain loyal and faithful in our marriage for life. Too many believers have an “escape clause” in their heads if problems in the marriage arise. Before Susan and I were married 37 years ago, we made a verbal commitment that the word divorce would not come out of our mouths as a threat when dealing with problems that we would have. Looking back now, that was a really great idea. It forced us to deal with our problems when they arose instead of bailing out on the relationship.

  

Here’s the bottom line. It is the will of God for you remain married for life to your present spouse. Having said that, understand that there are basically two God sanctioned reasons for divorce in the scriptures. Only two. And if the problems a couple have don’t fit those two, then they should seek to work together to solve them. Every marriage will have some problems because we humans are imperfect. We just have to be willing to work on ourselves and change!

  

The two God sanctioned reasons for divorce are 1) adultery - But I tell you, whoever dismisses and repudiates and divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unfaithfulness (sexual immorality), causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who has been divorced commits adultery (Matthew 5:32) and 2) desertion by the unbelieving party - But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15). This second God sanctioned reason also covers spousal abuse and neglect.

  

Other than these two reasons, generally speaking, stay married! Work your problems out. The Holy Spirit and the Word are God’s two problem solvers. If we’re really committed to Jesus, these two friends will help us find answers to the problems life brings. The Holy Spirit knows you, and the Word of God will change you. All it takes is a committed will.

 

If you’re already divorced, walk in the grace of God! God forgives and cleanses our past. Yes, there are innocent victims of divorce. The Father doesn’t hold guilty a person who has a spouse who chooses to go their own way and forsake God’s plan. If you’re experienced this, let the mercy and grace of the Father mend your heart. And walk in forgiveness.

If you’re struggling in your marriage, here is a suggestion. First, go to God in prayer and humble yourself. We can never change another person, we can only change ourselves. And marriage problems are people problems. And you are one of the people in that marriage! Ask God to show you what you are doing to hinder your relationship with your spouse. Psalm 139:23-24 encourages us to open ourselves up for God to examine our motives, and then be willing to repent and make changes where we are wrong. Think about it, if you really deal with yourself and the problems you create by what you do or how you respond to your spouse, that’s fifty percent of the problem situations in your marriage being worked on! Half (maybe more!) of the problems Susan and I have had are me!

Don’t try to change your spouse. That not your responsibility. You and how you act and what you do are your responsibility.

  

Pray for your spouse daily. Here’s a great prayer. Father, help me be the best spouse my husband or wife could possibly have! Help me to be what he or she needs!  Don’t pray, Lord, change my spouse. Pray, Lord, change me!

  

There is so much to say here. We’ll address the issue of marriage and the problems that creep in again tomorrow.

 

10 Ingredients To A Healthy Marriage

Today, Susan and I have been married 37 wonderful years! It’s a milestone in this day where so many marriages end in divorce. Here are 10 ingredients in our relationship that have helped us over the years.

 

1. Accept your spouse the way they are without trying to change them. Susan and I are so different! And that’s a good thing. If both of us were like me, we’d explode! Years ago, the Father dealt with me about comparing Susan to this image of a perfect wife I had in my mind (men will sometimes even compare their expectations of their wife with their mother’s example). I learned to accept Susan for who she is, and just lover her. That changed us!

 

2. Walk in agape love. While phileo love (friendship) is the reason you marry someone, agape (God’s love) is the oil that keeps your relationship running smoothly. Agape doesn’t take account of the evil done to it, doesn’t pay attention to a suffered wrong. All of us will fail at times. And this agape will cover the multitude of mistakes! Agape treats the other person as if they had never done anything wrong! It doesn’t bring up the past.

  

3. Date each other. Susan and I usually take a night a week to “date.” We’ll go out to eat, rent a movie, go to the mall, etc. And we’ll just talk about whatever.

   

4. Verbalize your love. You can’t wear I love you out! We tell each other several time a day. And we hug and kiss and show affection every day. One thing I picked up from Ken and Lynette Hagin when they were here last week is that they give each other a quick kiss after they prayer over their meal. Kenneth got that from his daddy. Keep the flame alive!

   

5. Give each other some space. Susan needs her time for her woman stuff! I need my space for my man stuff! Give each other some liberty to take time for person hobbies and friendships.

   

6. Allow differences without anger. Two people living in the same house coming from different families are at times going to disagree. That’s not a bad thing unless you let uncontrolled anger enter the picture. I think that if you never disagree, you’re not being honest about issues! Allow for differences in views.

  

7. Don’t go to bed angry. Each day, clear the air of the day’s conversations and differences. Love forgives, accepts, and forgets. Eph 4:26 reveals, Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

  

8. Keep your physical relationship strong. Sexuality is a part of human life. God’s answer to the sex desires He places in us is marriage! Hebrews 13:4 reads, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Keep this area of life private. It should never be discussed with others. As your marriage ages, and children and busy careers enter the picture, it’s important to make private time with each other happen.

  

9. Pray for your spouse daily. Instead of praying, Lord change my spouse, pray Lord, help me be the best spouse my mate could possibly have. He me be what (he or she) needs.

  

10. Above all, just be a good Christian! IF you do, you’ll honor your mate, you’ll be responsible for your actions and words, and you’ll humble yourself and admit when you’re wrong! And you’ll love and respect your spouse.

How To Deal With Disappointment

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life

(Proverbs 13:12).

Anyone who has ambition will face disappointments. Ambition is not a bad thing. Ambition is a desire to achieve something. God takes the self-centeredness out of our ambition and turns ambition into useful kingdom purposes.

 

So out of godly ambition, when we set goals and they are not fulfilled, we get disappointed. It’s a normal human reaction to be disappointed when a desire isn’t fulfilled. But we must guard against disappointment turning into discouragement. The slippery slope is disappointment, discouragement, and then depression.

 

Bring dreams often bring larger challenges! Those who succeed in life are not the ones who never fail. In fact, to succeed, you may fail more often than others who sit back inactive. Those who succeed in their endeavors are the ones who refuse to quit. They may face disappointments, but they get up and try again. Abraham Lincoln was a failure for years as a politician, but through faithful plodding left a legacy. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times looking for the right filament for the light bulb, but his one success changed the world.

 

Get accustomed to disappointment if you’re going to succeed. Remember, a righteous man falls seven times and rises up again (Proverbs 24:16). Turn disappointment into prayer, praise and thanksgiving. Never allow disappointment to stop you!

  

Elijah became disappointed right after the victory over the prophets of Baal when God by fire sovereignly consumed his water soaked sacrifice. After this great feat, Elijah outran Ahab’s chariot when he heard that Jezebel wanted him killed. Elijah allowed himself to become disappointed, discouraged, and depressed, as he thought on the idolatry of Israel and how few godly prophets there were to lead the nation back to God. And Elijah’s discouragement and depression cost him his ministry.

 

When God spoke to him after he found him hiding in a cave, he gave Elijah instructions to anoint Elisha to take his place in ministry! God cannot use discouraged people! And God will find someone else to perform a task if the person he has chosen to do it sinks into discouragement! (You can read about all of this in 1 Kings 17 through 19).

  

Refuse to allow present disappointments to discourage you! When you face a setback, take a step back, and reassess your plans. Take disappointment and turn it into an appointment with the Father in prayer! Tell Him what bothers you, cast the care of the disappointment on Him, and get up and go again!

Start Walking By Faith With Small Things

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses (1 Timothy 6:12).

  

Faith is so important in our lives, for without it we just won’t be able to receive from the Lord. The necessity of faith is mentioned often in the New Testament and was clearly demonstrated by Jesus in His earthly ministry.

  

We are admonished over and over to walk by faith and not by sight or feelings. It’s important to be practical with yourself when approaching the subject of faith and how to integrate it into your life. The key to growing faith is to build faith up daily by meditation in the Word of God and by putting it into practice in the daily affairs of life.

 

One statement that I make regularly in teaching on this subject is that faith is for what you don’t yet physically have but has been promised to you by the Lord. Jesus said that we are to believe we receive the answer to our prayer before we tangibly see it in manifestation. If we do this then the answer will materialize (Mark 11:24).

  

An important point in this is to start small with your faith. Start believing for a raise on your job. Believe God to heal an ache in your body that you’ve experienced for a while. Believe you receive healing from a headache, from a cold, from a stomach virus, from a skin rash or from warts. Believe God for a certain amount of money to pay a bill or to give into a ministry. Ask God for opportunities today to minister to others. Believe you receive a parking space in a full and busy parking lot (I do this every time I park at a hospital particularly). The idea here is to start small with small things with your faith. When it comes to pass, then your confidence in exercising faith will increase, and you’ll gradually be able to believe for greater things.

 

Jerry Savelle came to the first Bible school that I attended in my hometown in the 1970’s. He taught us on faith and encouraged us students to believe God for small things. He made an impression on me when he told us that he believed God for a new pen, or for a pair of socks, a new suit, or a new pair of shoes. He exercised his faith for everything in his life, even the small things. This made a lasting impression on me and helped me to understand that if I’m going to live a faith lifestyle, then I’m going to have to start in the small things.

  

Faith is built up a little at a time. Jesus said, For the earth brings forth fruit of herself; first the blade, then the ear, after that the full corn in the ear (Mark 4:28). A corn stalk starts as a seed, grows into a tall plant, then bears fruit. That’s the way faith works. It starts small and increases in size and strength.

  

Make a decision that you will be a person who chooses to walk by faith. Begin today to exercise your faith in the small things in life. If you do, then when crisis time comes, or when someone need you in an emergency, you’ll be prepared to exercise your faith. If you wait to get faith when you need it, you’ll be at a great disadvantage. Do your homework now for the tests that will come in your future. Remember that all things are possible with God, and all things are possible to him who believes.