A Relational Problem Solving Formula - A+B=C

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men (Rom 12:18)

  

Here a simple formula Chip Judd gave me for understanding how to deal with others and their responses to you when challenged or when you’re just simply interacting with them. This formula affects us all without fail. You can use this at home, at work, at church, or into any social interaction.

The formula is A+B=C. (A) is the issue at hand i.e.; a disagreement with your spouse; a sudden financial problem revealed; or a disagreement with someone at a church function, etc. (B) is the problem or issue at hand filtered through a person’s thoughts. (C) is the reaction or response to problem (A). So the problem (A) is really never the whole problem. (B- the problem or issue filtered through a person’s thoughts) is usually the problem. It’s (B) that usually causes conflict in relationships.

  

(B) is filled with personal biases that come from years of living with and/or interacting with imperfect people! Someone may have judged you for something and treated you with contempt or a cold shoulder. Someone may have taken advantage of you in an area of life and your (B) is filled with debris from this. Your (B) could be filled with deep mistrust of authority figures; women, men, people that you get close to, pastors, government, etc. What has happened in the past that affects us with emotional and mental negatives often fill our (B). Again (B) is a current problem filtered through my conditioning from life’s events. And when A (the event) is filtered through B (personal thoughts and emotional biases created from past interaction) the outcome is C (my personal response to a problem).

  

That’s the reason two people deal with the exact same issue and come up with such different responses. Learning to deal with your own B (personal thoughts and emotional responses created from past life events) is the key to getting along with others.

 

The scriptures call this the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2). I must choose to open up and deal with my person biases (my B) that make me defensive, critical, distant, cold, indifferent, judgmental, sarcastic, etc. James tells us that the engrafted word has the power to save the soul or to renew the mind (James 1:22).

 

Every action, reaction, thought, motive, word, and attitude in my life must be weighed and measured against the love of God. Love is my standard for living in relationship. The more I adapt my words, thoughts, and responses to the love way, the easier I will adapt in relationships that are difficult. When I learn to love, I will be able to get along with the most trying, difficult people in my life. The more I yield to love, the easier I am to get along with.

Love cures the problems in my personal (B). The key is my willingness to open up my (B) to be examined and weighed in a balance alongside of love. I must be willing to change self-centered responses that come from past hurt and pain to love responses that come out of obedience to God and His word. The more fully I do this, the easier I enter into relationship with others.

  

I leave you again today with a compilation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Use this a a gauge to deal with your (B).

 

Let me describe love. It is slow to lose patience; love stays in difficult relationships with kindness, and it always looks for ways to be constructive. There is no envy in love. It is not possessive and never boils over with jealousy. Love makes no parade of itself; it never boasts, nor does it puff up with pride. Love is never arrogant and never puts itself on display, because it is neither anxious to impress, nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. Love never gets irritated and is never resentful. Love holds no grudges, and it keeps no record of evil done to it. Love refuses to be provoked and never harbors evil thoughts. Love is not rude or grasping or overly sensitive, nor does love search for imperfections and faults in others. Love does not compile statistics of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails. Love celebrates what is real and not what is perverse or incomplete. Love never does the graceless thing. Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. Love never insists on its own rights, never irritably loses its temper, and never nurses its wrath to keep it warm. Love is not touchy. Love can stand any kind of treatment because there are no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust. Love bears up under anything; it perseveres in all circumstances. Love’s first instinct is to believe in people. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best in him, and always stand your ground in defending him. Love never regards anyone or anything as hopeless. Love keeps up hope in everything. Love’s hope never fades. Love keeps on keeping on! It trusts in God in every situation and expects God to act in all circumstances. Love goes on forever. Nothing can destroy love. Nothing can happen that can break love’s spirit. In fact, it is the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.

 

Rest Time Is Necessary: Check Out This Burnout Test

Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood (Acts 20:28).

Notice that the Apostle Paul told this gathering of pastors in Ephesus to take care of themselves before they take care of their church people. We can only give away what we have. And, part of receiving from the Lord is learning to take periodic rests.

I am just beginning a two week vacation tomorrow. Taking a vacation is not just sitting around doing nothing, but it does involve changing your normal routines and cutting new paths for your life. Someone said that rest is not ceasing activity but changing activity.

 

So I will go to the beach with my family, and spend time with Susan and my grown children. I plan to spend time reading, cycling, cooking, walking on the beach, and just generally hanging out. On purpose I plan to spend very little mental time (other than prayer and personal Bible reading) on “church stuff.”

  

A pastor’s life has the potential for constant high stress. And if I want to keep at this call lifelong, I must make sure that I get appropriate rest daily, a day of rest weekly, and then periodic times away from normal routine. Someone said that creativity is the results of tranquility.

If you avoid adequate daily and weekly rest, and if you avoid vacation times away from normal affairs, you’re setting yourself up for burnout. Burnout is an irritable, caustic, I don’t care attitude than slowly creeps in and steals initiative and motive.

 

Back in 1991, I was in a travelling ministry and had also started a business. Susan was working the midnight shift at a hospital and we had three small children. I was up many nights after midnight dealing with the details of my new business after caring for my three children (feeding them, bathing them, and reading to them and praying with them before they went to sleep). Then I was up early the next day to spend some time with the Lord before working at my business all day.

 

Eventually, burnout knocked at my door. It was really hard to overcome, and I made a promise to myself to never go there again. I’ve come close a few times and it’s always due to lack of periodic activity change. During this burnout time in my life, I found the book, How to Beat Burnout by Frank Minirth. The principles in the book helped me to overcome burnout, and to stay rested.

 

I will be ready to come back to work in a couple of weeks, and I will excited to get back into ministry again. I want to leave you with an excerpt from the book I just mentioned. It’s a burnout inventory. If you agree with most of the following 24 statements, I encourage you need to make some changes soon, or personal calamity will be a part of your future! Take your breaks, daily, weekly, and periodically take your vacations!

 1. More and more, I find that I can hardly wait for quitting time to come so I can                  

         leave work.

 2.     I feel like I’m not doing any good at work these days.

 3. I am more irritable than I used to be.

 4. I’m thinking more about changing jobs.

 5. Lately I’ve become more cynical and negative.

 6. I have more headaches (or backaches, or other physical symptoms) than usual.

 7. Often I feel hopeless, like “who cares?”

 8. I drink more now or take tranquilizers just to cope with everyday stress.

 9. My energy level is not what it used to be. I’m tired all the time.

10. I feel a lot of pressure and responsibility at work these days.

11. My memory is not as good as it used to be.

12. I don’t seem to concentrate or pay attention like I did in the past.

13. I don’t sleep as well.

14. My appetite is decrease these days (or, I can’t seem to stop eating).

15. I am unfulfilled and disillusioned.

16. I’m not as enthusiastic about work as I was a year or two ago.

17. I feel like a failure at work. All the work I’ve done isn’t worth it.

18. I can’t seem to make decisions as easily as I once did.

19. I find that I’m doing fewer things at work that I like or that I do well.

20. I often tell myself, Why bother? It really doesn’t matter anyhow.

21. I don’t feel adequately rewarded or noticed for all the work I’ve done.

22. I feel helpless, as if I can’t find a way out of my problems.

23. People have told me that I’m too idealistic about my job.

24. I think my career has just about come to a dead end.

If you agree with most of these statements, you’re likely to be in the burnout mode and I encourage you to make some life changes!

From How to Beat Burnout, Minirth, Frank B (Chicago: Moody Bible Institute, 1986) p. 37-38

Live With The Expectation Of God's Favor!

For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; with favor You will surround him as with a shield (Psalm 5:12).

 

As the people of God, we have obtained His favor. When we made Jesus the Lord of our lives, we joined heaven’s team. Before that, we were under the control of the prince of the power of the air, that is, the demonic forces who work with Satan to hinder human life, and to thwart the purposes of God.

 

Now, we’ve been delivered from the control and dominion of darkness, and have been transferred into the kingdom of God (Colossians 1:13). Now, as God’s ambassadors on earth, we live according to His kingdom laws and principles. The of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has freed us from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). We are heirs to right standing with God at all times; peace even in harsh environments; and joy when the life pressures rage (Romans 14:17).

 

An ambassador from one country living in another has diplomatic immunity from many of the laws that govern the country where he resides. Our redemption in Christ is our diplomatic immunity in the spirit realm! According to Ephesians 2:6, we are spiritually seating with Jesus at the right hand of God. We have His same authority over demonic forces that seek to attack us and hinder God’s will from coming to pass in our lives.

 

We face life today with Heaven’s backing, living under God’s kingdom rule. We’re the people of God, destined for blessing and victory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself...No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us (Romans 8:31-33,37 -NLT).

The blessing of Abraham belongs to us as kingdom folk. But Christ has rescued us from the curse pronounced by the law. When he was hung on the cross, he took upon himself the curse for our wrongdoing. For it is written in the Scriptures, “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.” Through Christ Jesus, God has blessed the Gentiles with the same blessing he promised to Abraham, so that we who are believers might receive the promised Holy Spirit through faith (Galatians 3:13-14). We’re blessed in our coming and going, we’re the head and not the tail, we’re above and not beneath. That just means that we’re successful in every endeavor. We operate in the wisdom of God.

 

Face life today knowing that you have heaven’s smile. God is for you! Heaven’s rule is with you! And as the above verse mentions, you are surrounded by the favor of God. Stand firmly today on the promises of God, and don’t be moved by the delay and resistance that comes. The favor of God will make a way through every difficulty and will open up God’s purposes for you. Expect God’s best!

The Blessings of Abraham, shown clearly in Deuteronomy 28:1-14, are your today. Take them as your own today by faith!

Deuteronomy 28:1-14 -NLT

If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully keep all his commands that I am giving you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the world. (2) You will experience all these blessings if you obey the Lord your God: (3) Your towns and your fields will be blessed. (4) Your children and your crops will be blessed.

The offspring of your herds and flocks will be blessed. (5) Your fruit baskets and breadboards will be blessed. (6) Wherever you go and whatever you do, you will be blessed. (7) “The Lord will conquer your enemies when they attack you. They will attack you from one direction, but they will scatter from you in seven! (8) “The Lord will guarantee a blessing on everything you do and will fill your storehouses with grain. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you. (9) “If you obey the commands of the Lord your God and walk in his ways, the Lord will establish you as his holy people as he swore he would do. 10 Then all the nations of the world will see that you are a people claimed by the Lord, and they will stand in awe of you. (11) “The Lord will give you prosperity in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you, blessing you with many children, numerous livestock, and abundant crops. (12) The Lord will send rain at the proper time from his rich treasury in the heavens and will bless all the work you do. You will lend to many nations, but you will never need to borrow from them. (13) If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom. (14) You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Four Steps To Practical Mind Renewal

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:1-2).  

In the new birth our spirits are transformed from darkness to light. The nature of sin is removed and replaced by the nature and life of God. A new motivation for living rises up from within. The things we once delighted in are replaced by an attraction to right living. And that’s where the challenge begins.

Before Christ we allowed our minds, emotions, wills and bodies to absorb habits that now bring regret if we participate in them. Paul said it to the believers in Rome this way: I am speaking in familiar human terms because of your natural limitations. For as you yielded your bodily members and faculties as servants to impurity and ever increasing lawlessness, so now yield your bodily members and faculties once for all as servants to righteousness (right being and doing) which leads to sanctification

(Romans 6:19-Amplified).

 

Stubbornness, anger, malice (the desire for bad things to happen to people who do you wrong), self-centeredness, habits of fleshly lusts, sexual and otherwise, overeating to cover pain, overwork to escape dealing with relational issues, and perfectionism. All of  these things come from a soul (mind, emotions and will) that must be subdued and brought to obedience to the Word! The mind is renewed and the body submitted to God as a living sacrifice as we daily yielded ourselves to the Lordship of the Word, making a conscious decision to act on the Word when everything in you wants to go the other way!

Here are four simple steps we can take to renew our minds and clean up our way of living. We can make a decision today and everyday to 1) meditate the Word, to let it revolve over and over in our minds. Find scriptures that deal with the areas of our personal weaknesses and meditate on them. Replace idle mental time with willful thinking on scripture. 2) We can make a decision to practice the word at each decision point today and not just listen to it and forget it. 3) We can make a decision to put the Word first place in our lives today.We should ask ourselves, what does God’s Word say about this issue I am dealing with right now? Do what God says should be done in this situation. 4) We can make a decision daily to obey our conscience, the voice of voice of our human spirit speaking to us. As we train our conscience to obey the Word, the voice of God in our inward man will become clearer and clearer.

Mind renewal is a lifelong process that will only culminate when we get to heaven and are like Him! Work towards that end everyday! His life in me must rise up, and I must choose to say no to the old habits of thinking and living. When we say yes to the Word, the Holy Spirit will come to our aid with the power to say NO to the old habits that once ruled! He must increase; I must decrease!

Be Careful In Your Judgments Of People!

The Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens me morning by morning, He awakens my ear to hear as the learned (Isaiah 50:4).

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love (Ephesians 4:2 - NLT).

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others (Colossians 3:12-13 - NLT).

All of us are equal in the eyes of God. He has no favorite children. What He makes available to one, He makes available to all. But though we are all equals before God, not every person has an equal start in life.

 

The good news is that each of us can take the word of God and begin the process of renewing our minds and learning godly ways to relate to others. The word of God can help us to change habitual patterns of response to others that may erect walls and isolate.

Be careful that you don’t judge another person’s actions without knowing the background of what they deal with in life. God is the only righteous judge for He sees the thoughts and intents of the heart.

A person that to you looks like they have their life together may be struggling just to survive day after day. What seems easy to you is a great challenge for another that did not have the same foundation that you had in life.

Be careful not to judge another person at face value. The real issues are usually buried beneath a façade erected to keep emotional and relational pain at a minimum.

The Father wants to use each one of us today to bless and help another life. Be aware that hurt people hurt people. A person that seems harsh and distant is usually carrying some pretty heavy emotional baggage from their years of living. 

The Father wants to use you today to bring cheer and comfort. He can only love and reach people as we allow Him to reach through us! Go today with the expectation that the Lord will use you to bless and help others. He’s counting on you.

The Gifts In The Body Of Christ Are As Diverse As Seashells

My family and I usually spend a week at the beach during my vacation. As we walk down the beach, I notice the great diversity in the shells we picked up. All of them were from the ocean. All have originality.

 

In the body of Christ we are members of one another, but we all have a unique function. The Father has placed different giftings in us all, and He wants us to function in the gifting that He’s placed within us.

 

The ministry offices are Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor, and Teacher. They are given to prepare the saints for the work of the ministry. All of these have a preaching and teaching anointing. I stand in the office of the Pastor and Teacher.

 

But there are other giftings of ministry that are important and necessary. Romans 12 mentions as the other necessary areas of ministry the following: prophecy, ministry (deaconing, being a helper and a servant), teaching, exhortation (being an encouragement to others), givers (those with a special knack for making money and financing the gospel), leaders (those with organizational skills that can assist ministry offices), and mercy (those with a special enablement to help those who are down and out for whatever reason).

 

1 Corinthians 12: 28 also mentions helps as a necessary place of ministry. Those called to help assist those who fulfill the ministry offices found in Ephesians 4:11. All of us should be involved in helping. I started out in the ministry of helps over 34 years ago. As I was faithful, the Lord opened up what He had planned for my life.

I believe every believer should be involved in the helps ministry. The helps ministry at Victory Church is called our Dream Team. And as believers prove faithful there, the Lord will open up what He has for each one.

 

Don’t wait for something to open up without doing anything. You may wait a lifetime. Choose today to be a faithful person. Find a need and be the supply for it. Don‘t wait for someone to ask you to do something. Be faithful to help fulfill whatever need you may see. I believe this is often a test for us. The Lord wants to see if we will just be faithful in whatever needs to be done before He places us in our life’s call.

We are as diverse as sea shells. All of us are necessary, but we must choose to be used by the Father to bless others. Find a need today and fill it!

   

Practicing Forgiveness Relieves Stress

Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so must you also forgive (Colossians 3:13 – Amplified).

Perhaps every day of our lives we will face opportunities to forgive those who harm us in some way. Life in a fallen world means facing imperfections at every turn. Wise living is knowing how to deal with the imperfections of others! I seek to live by Romans 12: 18: If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. That means I must be willing to practice what Jesus said to Peter when He told him to forgive 490 times (infinitely) the brother that offends him.

Failing to forgive produces some major problems and one of them is stress. Medical research indicates that the majority of illness is stress induced, so unforgiveness plays a significant role in sickness. Proverbs 14:30 (Amplified) reads: A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.

 

Unforgiveness means holding on to a certain thought pattern about a person or event. That thought pattern creates emotional hurt and pain. And if the thought pattern is not dealt with by releasing forgiveness to the offending party, then it cogitates underneath the surface in subconscious thinking. And this type of underlying negative thought pattern saps needed physical strength.

I’ve had people over my years of ministry tell me that they are tired all the time. They feel drained of strength. After speaking with these people I have found that often they are carrying a list of grievances in these underlying thought patterns and their emotions are draining them of needed energy. They simply need to practice forgiveness. There’s a lot of wisdom in Ephesians 4:26: Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Each day we should clear our mind and emotions of the offences of others before we go to sleep.

In her book Who Switched Off My Brain, Dr. Caroline Leaf from South Africa mentions that thoughts release chemicals into every organ of our body through our central nervous system. She mentions that all thoughts basically come under two categories, faith based or fear based thoughts. She reveals that fear based thinking releases toxic chemicals that coats the cells of our bodies and can eventually make us ill. On the other hand, faith based thinking that trusts God and expects the best; likewise releases helpful chemicals that aid the body and help it resist illness.

 

Unforgiveness affects our spiritual life. According to Jesus, you can’t go to heaven with it in your life (See Matthew 18:35 and Mark 11:25-26). And unforgiveness affects our physical bodies, hindering the health and healing provided to us by the Father.

Make a choice today to quickly deal with each offence. Readily and freely forgive as the Father through Christ Jesus has forgiven you. You’ll find heaven’s smile, soundness of mind, clearness of emotion, and renewed physical strength when you choose the path of forgiveness!